I Am Not Being Chased by a Bear

I've had a handful of AHA moments over the last few months that have genuinely changed everything for me.

Like a lot of busy parents, I had been living in a chronic state of fight or flight. Every minor setback was enough to send my body into full alarm mode. Physically. Emotionally. Like a 600-pound bear was chasing me and my death was inevitable, but I was absolutely not going down without a fight.

Here's the thing though: I came by it rightfully.

The Weight I Had Been Carrying

From 2013 forward, my life was a relentless accumulation of hard. A kidney disease diagnosis. High-dose steroids. An impossible decision to end a pregnancy that put my life at risk. Two years of chronic fatigue, excruciating pain, and grief layered on top of grief. One autoimmune diagnosis after another.

By 2016 things looked up. I was healthier, engaged, planning a wedding, adding onto our home, and pushing hard for a career milestone. By the end of 2016 I was married and pregnant again, with our doctors feeling confident it was safe this time.

Our first daughter arrived in August 2017. On her first birthday, I was pregnant with our second. By April 2019, I had two kids under two. By 2020, three kids three and under, in 38 months.

While pregnant with our third, our house flooded. We renovated. We sold that house and bought 80 acres. I left my 12 year, 6 figure career to start and run my own business  because honestly, how else do you manage that level of chaos if you are working for someone with a quota? Then came the behavior changes in one of our kids. Over a year of navigating our healthcare system. Medical trauma. Mine and hers.

A lot was genuinely, legitimately hard.

The Moment Everything Shifted

Here's where I am today: I'm fine. My kids are fine. My marriage is fine. We have a roof over our heads. We are not worried about where our next meal comes from. We are saving for retirement and planning trips. By every real measure, life is good.

So why was I letting every minor inconvenience feel like a life or death situation?

I am a therapy junkie, and I mean that as a full compliment. It has been life changing. My husband and I are currently going together, and during a recent session our therapist said something that was directed at him but landed directly on me:

"You are successful. You have a job, enough money to live and thrive, you're healthy. Why are you living like you're in chronic crisis?"

I let that sink in. And I felt the biggest weight lift off my shoulders.

I started reminding myself, the moment I felt that familiar escalation in my body: you are not being chased by a bear.

What Changed When I Stopped Running

It has translated into everything.

My daughter spilled a full cup of water through the entire fridge. Past me would have felt that in my nervous system for an hour. Instead, I calmly told her to grab a towel and clean it up. She looked at me like I had three heads and said, "Mom, why are you so calm?"

Because it's water. It can be cleaned up. We can move on. This is not life or death.

Last Saturday we had a marathon softball day. Pictures, three back-to-back games, opening ceremonies, a quick break to host an open house, then a friend's anniversary party. In a previous season I would have white-knuckled the whole thing, spiraling about the chores piling up at home. Instead, I reframed. What a gift to be "stuck" outside all day in the sunshine, watching my kids cheer each other on and learn something, surrounded by community, with zero guilt about the laundry. That is a fabulous day.

This shift has also given me permission to take actual sick days.

Hand off the time-sensitive stuff to my team.

Delay what can wait. Let my brain and body rest and recover.

It sounds simple. It is simple. But when you have spent years being genuinely chased by bears, simple takes practice.

The bear is not real anymore. And that changes everything.